staying here, going there

“staying here, going there , coming back
if only to find out how it’d feel once we’d have moved past “ideal” – hungover or happy
and you couldn’t decide which next step would be the craziest – doing it, not doing it
how scared you were to be “within reach again
i know what’s coming, i know what’s going to happen
to make me dead again, what’s going to be said”
we would be defeated, we knew it all along.
now who’d flinch first?
we made it a game and twisted a word
that we should never utter! for it meant ‘surrender’
the same way that one song allowed us to toy with the big words
(the loaded ones, that make you win!)
saying them, not saying them
that one innocent word, that one harmless song, irradiated. still holding their power”

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